It was the middle of winter when I first decided to enter a 10k.

I could not run to save my life. At first I walked through the snow covered sidewalks. The average temp hovered somewhere around -3 below with wind chills in the -20's. I moved slow but I moved…

I moved faster along the roads and streets. I found an indoor track where I could at least jog a half mile before feeling tired and slowing to a crawl. But I still moved…

Soon I began to run more, then more, then more. I can remember the first time I ran an entire mile with out stopping, then ran five miles, then ten miles… I moved!

I accomplished all of this after years of chronic knee pain due to prior surgeries. I took me years of effort but I kept moving…

I remember the moment of my first 10k. The crowd cheered, the runners bounced in place waiting for the starting buzzer, the music boomed and the American flag waved high. And maybe the best part was the stead cold rain that fell that day. We were all soaked, but we all moved.

When the race was over, when I was alone, I felt an almost overwhelming sensation of accomplishment. I wanted more… so I kept running…

I trained more, fast faster and further. I ate healthier and felt great.

Running was my vent to the world. My zen. My freedom to listen to my heart and follow my dreams.

Then it all stopped.

I torn a tendon on my quad. (Doctor said it was not related to running)and to spare the details I ended up with a third surgery on the same damn knee. Now I sit and don’t move much.

It’s not over though

The doc says I can run again. It will take time. (at least six month to walk normal again) but I CAN run again. I WILL run again.

It will not be without pain.

Yet I am committed.

Slow at first, like before in the snow, then normal, the faster.

And so I downloaded the @actifit app…

To be honest when I first started seeing the @actifit daily posts I thought it was just another ploy to seek up vote attentions. And maybe part of me still thinks this. Maybe part of me does want up votes…

I want to use Actifit as a mean of tracking and recording my progress. There will be no simple “here’s what I did today” posts.

I want to write share my progress and struggle. To give an honest representation of my slow raise back to the world of running, fitness and health.

I already am losing out on the half-marathon (and my $70 non-refundable entry fee) perhaps will great effort I could run the full marathon in nine months.

and if I'm not ready then so be it.

I will do what I can as I can

until I find my zen.

~meditations~