Blogging Challenge Day #6: What Am I Afraid of?

Hello hivans, how is weekend? This challenge always motivates me to write something every day. I don't like to write article but since I joined @bloggingchallenge, I am always willing to write since 5 days ago.

Today, am going to talk about "what I am afraid of". This afraid or fear is not afraid of examination phobia or height. I will be discussing of fear that pull me down from my goals and ambition.
Fear has done bad things in my life in the past. Fear has made my blood pressure rised to 180/130. Fear has made me ran away from home. Fear has killed the good goals that is measurable which I set for myself. Fear has deprived me from my future.

The Following are what I afraid of;
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• AFRAID OF BEING ALONE: some years ago, I was a victim of being alone. I wasn't given any care from anyone; I started questioned my existence. This was a time I was passing through challenges, no one was beside me or talking to me.
Sometimes, I locked myself indoor for a day and started shedding tears. I was depressed and perplexed. There was a day, I thought of committing suicide; my mind was telling me the smartest way to passed this stage is to commit suicide. I took my phone and searched for suicide. I came in contact with a psychologist and his articles. I read most of his articles, I became so relieved.
After few days, the thought of 'suicide' came up again. I went to market to get a rope. I saw this woman that is selling rope; I told her to give me rope. She asked me what type of rope and what do I want to use it for? I became speechless. The reason I became speechless was that, I never thought of questioning me what I wanted to use it for. I got the rope but I couldn't.
Being alone is not good sometimes; because you need someone to talk to you, play with you and know what you are passing through. All these periods, nobody knows what I was passing through. My family were far away from me likewise my friends.

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• FUTURE: I became afraid of future because most of my goals was not achieved. When I was small, I wanted to become pharmacist; I met myself in the department of health. When I was looking for job, I wanted to work in a very big firm; I met myself as a teacher in local community. My big goals doesn't always come through. Sometimes, I seen myself in a place i would never thought of being there in my life time.
I seen myself in a situation I never thought of, I have big dreams for myself and I set those big dreams for myself. But those dreams seems unachievable and unreachable. I wallowed and I thought of what to do to make it happen. My dreams and goals seems not possible which makes me afraid of my future.

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• SELF EXPRESSION OF SECRET THOUGHT: I felt like talking to someone about my secret thought but I wondered if the person hear such things. What would he thinks of me? He might tell someone which I don't like, He might not be interested of being my friend again and he might use it against me.
Therefore, I became afraid of telling people my situations. I kept it to myself and it becomes unbearable for me sometimes. It turns me to someone who is secretive and have psychological problem.
Sometimes, I just need someone I can express myself to; but the problem is that, I don't have someone who is very closed to me. I met most of my friends in social medias, I never seen 99% of them in real life. My families are very far away from me. I don't have closed relationship.

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• FAILURE: When I was in the school, this is most terrible experience I don't like. I don't want to hear 'missing script' or failed. I hate repeating courses. I don't like going back to what I have done. Whenever I want to check my results; I developed phobia. I became afraid of checking my results.
Though, failure strengthen people who do not accept it and killed people who accepted it. But a situation whereas you failed multiple times to achieving particular goal, or you always failed when trying to achieve particular goal. What will you do? Are you going to advice such person to continue trying since time doesn't wait for anyone? Or are you going to advise the person to try another?.
What advise are you going to give someone who has failed in career or business more than 20 times or who is struggling in business?
The above premises are to show you the reason I am afraid of failure. Because of how I have failed in life. I am afraid right now to take a risk because I have failed multiple times in business.