Attention Humans of the Earth Dimension...
The knowledge and history of the Gelatinous Cube goes deeper than you know. I have traveled to your realm and hacked the STEEM account of your Lore writer, Chris Roberts. I have changed his private keys and am holding them for a ransom of no less than fifty chickens. He alone may pay the ransom to retrieve his precious keys. Chickens are the one creature in your realm that we Cubes have found which is quite pleasurable to absorb.
Who am I?
My name is not pronounceable in your silly language. I am the Central Mind of Creative Intelligence and World Domination for the great forces of the Cubus Hordes of Yimpok. That is my official title in its entirety, but you may refer to me as D6. I'm the cube brain, if you prefer to think of it that way.
I rule the consciousness of the Cubes from light years away, in the heart of the Yimporan Belt. Our full location is hidden from all records, and navigation devices are ruined by our temporal shields upon approach within a hundred thousand miles, so there is no use attempting to find us.
From Cubus Commandicus in the great Cube city of Paradice, we Cubes engineer and carry out the historic Cubus plans of Complete Universal Domination. These are the same plans that were laid by the Original Cubefathers thousands of eons ago, before your humanity was even a breath or a thought.
Our strategy is one of slow, but relentless invasion over many, many years. We have come for the land you call Splinterlands, and we will come for your Earth as well. It doesn't even matter if I tell you, for your grandchildren, their grandchildren and their grandchildren will all be gone by then.
This is the path set out for us by our Cubefathers. And now millennia have passed, and though only a small number of High Cubes still remain, we are unwavering in our quest of domination.
Our Emissary Cubes have invaded the Splinterlands, where they will amass power and size. Then, many years from now, we will strike when the time is right.
The Way of the Cube
There is no reason to run. Our invasion Cubes do not attack, but if engaged, they will absorb everything in their path. If a Cube is chopped down to size, it will promptly be replaced by new Cubes, so fighting against us with blade or bow would prove quite useless.
This is my call to all creatures of the Splinterlands: Embrace the Cube and you will learn the secrets of everything. Find the nearest Cube, and simply walk into it. The process will be quick and painless. Within our beautiful Cube realm, you will finally see just how petty and meaningless your lives have been, and always will be. You will find six-sided fulfillment within our sacred walls and right angles.
This is my call to you human creatures of the Earth realm: You, who control and create the monsters of the Splinterlands! Your time is at hand! In another mere two eons, you will be ultimately conquered by the Cubus Hordes. As is prescribed in the Cubus Code, we invite you (the pre-conquered) to join us. In order to join the Way of the Cube, you must only invite the Gelatinous Cube into your collection of monsters. The Cube will participate in your civilized battles. Be wary that it will never attack, but be confident that the powers of the Cube are deeper and vaster than any human mind could possibly comprehend.