Dealing with Loss
Sometimes life just tears your heart right out. I wish it was not so. I wish we could count on happiness, and be assured that if today is a good day, we can expect more of the same tomorrow. But no. There is death, and there is sadness. And we often don't know when they're coming. Yesterday, I learned of the passing of a great Steemian, a loss that is deeply felt by the Power House Creatives community.
Today, the news was much closer to home - the childhood friend of one of my kids. It is devastating. A young life lost. A person who could have done so much in this world. He was funny and charismatic and had a good heart. What happened? Sadly, I believe he went astray. In the simplest sense, which is all I can share because his story is not mine to tell and I don't know enough to tell it, he got off track somewhere. And he never found his way back.
Watershed Moments
One night about three years ago, my son was out running around with two friends near the high school where the three were enrolled as freshmen. The two friends were about as opposite as any two kids could be. One came from a wealthy family - his father a self-made millionaire who lived in a fabulous house on a lake with his second wife and their new baby. The other, whom I will refer to as JK, lived in an apartment with his mother, step father, and a whole bunch of half brothers and sisters.
Certainly the two friends had divorced parents in common. But there was something else too. They also loved risk and excitement. They were starting to get into trouble. We had begun to think it might be time to intervene and see if we could redirect our son to other friends. It's incredibly difficult to do, if your kid is enamored with the energy and charisma of kids with powerful personalities.
We weren't sure what to do. And then that fateful night happened. We couldn't reach our son on his cell phone. He sent us one text saying that he would not be coming home that night. "Don't worry," he said. "I'm fine. And I'll be at school in the morning."
We were frantic. Where was our kid? It was a chilly night, and we knew he had gone out without a coat. The other parents didn't know where any of the kids were either. We had an army of kids texting each other and asking about the boys. There had been sightings. They were at one of the friends' houses. But they had left. Then they were seen at a fast food restaurant. They were no longer there. Then we got a call from the school. Some boys had been seen walking around on the roof the school, and someone recognized them. One of them was our son.
They had run off after that. My husband and the wealthy dad went out driving around looking for them. Finally, they found them in the woods near the school, not far from where JK lived. The boys tried to run, but the two dads tackled them. I'll never know why JK's parents weren't there. They had too many other kids to manage, perhaps. Maybe he had become too much of a handful, and they had given up trying. Who knows. JK was sent home. The other two boys climbed into cars with their dads who agreed that it was great they found them, and that this wasn't a good sign. These kids were not making good choices.
I remember feeling so relieved that we got my son home. We were all in tears over it. I know a lot of parents would have come up with a punishment. But we're not that type. We just hugged our son, and told him how much we love him, and that he needn't ever run away to explore. We just need to know he's okay, and that he's safe. It was his one little adventure on the wild side. And I also remember feeling worried about JK. We had known him since he was little. Our boys had been in school together, and friends, since kindergarten. They had attended each other's birthday parties, been in scouts and played basketball together. But the signs weren't good for the direction JK was headed.
Image source: Pixabay
A Fork in the Road
After that, my son never ran around with those kids again. He turned to other friends. The wealthy kid's dad moved him to another school - a private one, I believe, where he would be away from whatever influences were tugging at him. A year or so later, JK was expelled from the school. I don't remember why. I'm not sure I ever heard the reason. But these things are never good.
Not too long ago, we heard JK had been imprisoned. My son was sure it was a rumor. He didn't believe it could be true. He wouldn't talk much about his old friend. They had taken different paths, and that was all. My son had a great bunch of high school friends to hang out with, several of whom were fanatical about baseball like he was. We were relieved. We felt like we had dodged a bullet.
The very sad end of the story is that JK is now dead from a drug overdose. We just found out about it this afternoon. I've been crying off and on, feeling devastated for the family that I know loved him very much, and devastated for a beautiful, funny, smart and charming young man who fell prey to vices and temptations. I don't know his whole story, and I won't conjecture why he went down the path he did. Why does anyone go astray?
No matter what, I'm sure it is much more complicated than anything I might imagine. What I do know is that he is at peace. And tonight, I honor his memory by thinking of him as a young boy, so full of silliness and fun, and always incredibly respectful whenever he came to visit or stay over. He was very much a good person at heart.
Thanks for reading.
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This is an unfortunately common story. Happy that your son's path diverged but it is sad to think about the other family, and sobering to think about what might have been. Sorry you got a double whammy dose of death this week. Sending you love <3
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Hi @carlgnash. Thank you for the kind words. It’s good to hear from you. I was just thinking about you the other day and made a mental note to go to your account to see what you’re up to!
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He, @wales will be dearly missed. And @jayna, hugs to you. ❤️
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Dear @jayna, its so sad learning of young people ending their lives especially when they have so much potential in them. I believe that your son's friend is truly good at heart. its just that probably, he had not had the chance to show that side of him.
Yes, and the stress of being a person with little means in an area that is fairly affluent is so hard. I should have clarified that I believe it was an accident, not a choice. It is tragic, either way.
I know how you feel, and how thankful you are that your child was saved that night when the parents of the two survivors cared enough to go on a search for their kids. But I feel for the other parents as well, who, for whatever reason, did not see the urgency in the situation that night. May the young man rest in peace.
Yes, those are my feelings exactly. It’s heartbreaking. At what point might someone have been able to do something to help him correct his course? I don’t have enough information to say. But I am sure they tried very hard and at some point lost the battle.
WoW first sorry for your löss, isnt this such a shame that life of jk didnt have a chance to be loved. I wish you strenght and i will huge my sweethart one extra time this afternoon
Yes. That is what we can do, @brittandjosie. Hug everyone we love and tell them how much we love them. ❤️
So many young people has succumbed to drug overdose, that it is alarming. What a shame the young JK is one of the statistics.
I’m sorry for this loss, Jayna. May he R.I.P.
Thank you, @redheadpei. Yes, it is indeed a crying shame. Such potential lost.
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Oh my @jayna, so much sadness and tragedy in this world. I'm sorry for your loss, I can imagine all of the memories flooding through your mind. Your son is I'm sure devestated as well, wondering where his childhood friend went astray. I pray for you and your family.
Thank you for the lovely note, @birdsinparadise. Yes, these kinds of losses lead to many questions that simply have no answers.
Sorry for your loss. Death, especially that of young kids is hard to process. Big virtual hug
Thank you, @hlezama. Hug accepted!
The sadness is always around us, and for that we need to appreciate everything around us, the good isn't everyday
Yes, those are wise words, @ireenchew. We must love the good days. They will fill us with strength for the tougher times.
A powerful story of grief my friend and what it can do to us.
Car accidents and one gun incident took away of most of mine, but the memories always remain.
I feel for the parents and glad that your son decided to take a different road in life.
Blessings!
Wow, @papilloncharity. I’m always amazed at the things people go through, and how strong so many people are after those experiences. I have had my share of losses too, but none so tragic as what you have experienced. Thank goodness you have found some peace with it, or at least you certainly seem to have.
A being of kindness is my only strive in life my friend.
There is not one that has not suffered one or another deep hurt and all that we can do is to love and respect all others.
At least that's how I view life.
When it's my turn to go, I want to go with a clean conscience.
Blessings and thank you!
Bless you for sharing @jayna 🙏
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Thank you, @wonderwop.
Hi @jayna. A very beautiful story and tribute to the young man. May he rest in peace. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for the kind words, @justclickindiva.
This story hits home because in my case my older son is the "bad boy". He graduated college with a degree in criminal justice (playing basketball all 4 years of college) then joined the military and did a tour in Iraq. And came home a changed person. Had 2 beautiful children but got involved with opioids, lost his job and his family - and almost lost his life. He's in prison right now and it's a heartbreak I live with every day. Sorry for your son's loss of his friend.
@blueeyes8960 Tammy- Just remember that as lost his way, with a little a lot of work on his part, he can find his way back home. It wouldn't be the first time I see that happen and let's hope, not ending here.
I remain hopeful for your son, as I know you do. But, just thought you would like to know, he has a cheering section.
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Beautifully said. Count me in on that cheering section!
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Oh my, that is so sad, @blueeyes8960. What a heartbreaking situation! I’m really sorry to hear that. And I can imagine it happening — to anyone. When we face really difficult things, they can either make us stronger or they can tear us apart. Huge hugs to you, my dear. I truly hope you get him back some day, and that he can be whole again and get another chance.
My heart goes out to the family, Jayna. You and your son, of course, for the loss of his childhood, in so many ways.
I can tell you that the parents are home tonight, hopefully taking comfort in one another, wondering if there was something they could have done to prevent that. Or pointing fingers. I hope not. The death of a child will make or break a marriage, which is a challenge for some people without the added stress.
Bless their hearts. Truly. And my condolences.
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Thank you so much, @dswigle. I agree — the fallout could go so many ways. And I too hope they don’t over-analyze their own actions. Who knows if there would have been a way to thwart what happened. But one thing is certain. There will be guilt mixed in with sadness. Because no matter how determined he may have been to choose his own path, they undoubtedly wanted to be a part of his choices, and to help him. And they couldn’t.
Amen.
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I am so sorry. Beautifully written. How is your son handling it? I wish everyone involved peace and a swift return to joy.
Thank you so much for your kind words, @owasco! My son is handling it better than I am, for some reason. Maybe it’s because I’m a parent, and so I feel an excruciating compassion for those parents.
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Thank you so much, @arcange. I apologize for the late response. The holidays have kept me hopping. I appreciate your note.
You're welcome @jayna. Yes, I guess we are all busy with holidays and family 😉
As it should be! :-)
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Gonna give you all a big hug next week when I see you. This is heartbreaking, and a difficult reminder to hug the people you love and check in when they seem a bit off. Glad E has found his way, he does seem a lot more centered these days. See you all soon!
Thank you, @troubledsoles! Looking forward to that hug!
Thanks for this post @jayna and for showing us how many can relate to this story of loss due to drugs. It’s everywhere and it’s terribly sad. May JK know peace now, and someday, somehow, may his parents as well.
Thank you, @ducksaplenty. We must hug all the people we love. We just never know who will fall victim to the temptations of substances that can disrupt their lives. If only building a big-ass wall was actually the answer. I think we need so much more. Support for kids, healthy development, training for parents in how to help their kids navigate this stuff, and more mental health support.
I know in a situation like this, I wondered what I could have done to change things. It is so heart breaking to watch something like this unfold. 🤗
Yes, it really is, @tryskele. Too many lives are affected by drugs and addictions.