You There! How Would You Like to Get Paid to Read My Shit?

in #newsteem2 years ago (edited)

Are you sick of paying for your entertainment?
Do warm, fuzzy feelings piss you off?
Are you already thinking this must be some sort of scam?

Are you answering yes within your mind as if someone is actually speaking to you?


Of Course You Are!
You've Come to the Right Place!

My name is @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist/One Hell of a Guy Himthefuckself, and I will be your host.

Today, I have an exciting offer!

I currently seek an audience large enough to fill a stadium and then some. My vision includes people hanging from the rafters, people outside getting pepper sprayed and beat down by cops, and people inside feeling drunk as fuck on tears of joy!

The only thing holding me back from instantly achieving this purified form of insanity I call greatness is this goddamn blogging platform I'm currently using.

STEEM is Fucking Awesome

We simply don't have the numbers yet to sustain any sort of viable entertainment industry. This is baffling. I can't seem to wrap my head around it. People, literally, get paid, to hit a "like" button around here!


That's right! Imagine a plane of existence that included you getting paid every time you hit the "like" button on Facebook or Youtube. You know damn well you've done this very simple action with your fancy motor skills thousands if not millions of times in your life.

And You Didn't Get Shit!

You sat there on your ass for a decade slurping up all forms of media, getting fat, and never once did the shit you enjoyed that day ever pay for your next cheeseburger!

Those days are over my friends!

Let's be honest though, this won't make you rich, so stop dreaming! Wake up!

I'm pretty damn sure though, if you were given a lil somethin somethin for your efforts when it came time to show your appreciation for the high quality entertainment or information you prefer, that might be enough to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Have a Look at this Fake Testimonial from the Future

Hi! Is this thing on? Hello? Hello? How did I get here? Mom?

Whoa! Sorry about that! Let's try it again, shall we? Hopefully with a little less idiot this time.

Hi! My name is Nancy and I've been a member of Steemit since 2017.

Earlier this week, my shitty little laptop crapped out on me. I've been using it to consume cat videos and information about sustainable horticultural solutions for a little over five years.

I'd be devastated, have to take out a loan and say, "No college for you, kids," had it not been for!

Over time, I was able to accumulate a few hundred dollars by simply showing my appreciation and hitting a "like" button. It all added up, little by little, and turned out to be enough to purchase the best laptop I've ever had the privilege of owning!

Now I don't feel so guilty sitting on my ass all day. I know full well, consuming the information I enjoy online will continuously pay for a new device so I can keep coming back for more! I even lost thirty pounds and I'm the envy of all my friends!

I love you!

Nancy, your story touched my heart. You are a beautiful human being. I love you too.

But That's Not All!

No Sir, Ma'am, It, These, Those and Them Over There. This short bus of cultivated happiness will not be stopping any time soon!


You've enjoyed your online experience. You've hit that nifty little button to say, "Dayum son! That was some good shit right there! Keep it coming you dirty slut!"

Something still feels like it's missing though. You feel like saying something to the actual producer of the glorious online experience you somehow managed to live through without leaking urine all over the brand new chair you recently purchased using your I fucking love this shit rewards.

Breathe! Are you ready?

You Get Paid for That Shit Too!

That's right! You could sign up today, drop me a line in the comment section below and if I don't think you're a complete tool, I may just hit that little "like" button myself!

Cha-ching! Money in the bank!

Just think of all those times you headed over to Youtube, witnessed some cool-ass video, put your two cents worth of information into the comment box, got completely ignored or worse... reamed out by an army of trolls for six years!

Was it worth it?

No, dammit! It wasn't! That could all change for you today though if you know what's good for you.

Welcome to My Stadium!

When was the last time you went to a live performance and they handed you a five-spot at the door for showing up?

Never! You pay them every time unless you're some kind of sleazebag who sneaks in the back door only to be met with two fists and a boot up the ass. Sometimes you'll spend three years saving up just so you can go stand in line for two hours outside in the cold with the hopes they'll eventually let you inside to see some egomaniac have a public meltdown and then storm off stage yelling about chicken fingers and no dip!

How many times has an artist continuously produced your favorite style of entertainment all while handing you a piece of the pie?

Never! Unless you count that shitty creased up poster that came along with the trendy recording on vinyl. Do you like being treated like a child during happy meal time? Is your life one big fucking cereal box?


So get your ass on here faster than the bible insurance salesman skipped town.

  • Bookmark this page!

  • Sign on up!

  • Don't lose your damn password you asshole, that's your bank card now!

  • Don't forget to share this message all over the world on every social media platform you can shake a click at! The more people we have jumping on this grandstanding bandwagon, the easier it'll be for you to make that money!

  • Come on down to the comment section and say, "Thank you, crazy mystery man! You saved my life!"

  • For that you'll earn your first penny. If others come along to hook you up, you might even get a shiny new nickel!

"But, that's not enough..."

You can check your damn entitlement issues at the door! Have you not been paying attention? It adds up over time! Don't you realize tomorrow exists and yesterday is nothing but a cesspool of your bullshit if you don't change that attitude! You've been sitting there on your ass enjoying things for free for this many years. It's about damn time you got paid for it!

And don't forget to tell your mom!

That way, we can finally put this little puzzle to rest once and for all.


That's right! I helped your mom!


Technical Mumbo Jumbo

It's not free, unless you want it to be!

Purchasing STEEM to reward your favorite creators is a revolutionary method of tipping those you feel deserving of rewards. Many independent online content creators will ask for donations. You hand them $100, that money is gone forever. Hand them another $100, that many is gone forever! Noticing a pattern?

You're wasting your money! You're treating content producers in the same way you would a stripper working the pole at the sleazy bar on the outskirts of town!

With STEEM, you can spend that same $200, keep it locked away securely in your own fancy new online wallet, and tip your favorite producers of what keeps you busy during your down time, forever!

The more STEEM you purchase, the more you're allowed to give each time you hit that upvote button.

But that's not all! All curators such as yourself, big and small, earn a fair percentage of those rewards you hand out, in return!
I'm not even kidding.

That's how you get paid to read my shit!

Spend $200, tip about 10 or more of your favorite content producers, every day, forever, and get a return on that initial investment of $200!

You're not required to spend $200. You can invest whatever you're comfortable with but the more you invest, the more you'll earn.

And at any point, if you're sick of all this shit, you can take whatever value you have in your wallet and say, "Screw you guys! I'm going home!"

So what do you say?

Are you planning to keep throwing your money away...

Or will you invest, today?

The choice, is yours.



Disclaimer: I represent myself and only myself. If you're not interested in a maniacal artist using the written word to have fun from time to time, there are plenty of others here who you might enjoy. Everything from the foodie article to the science paper; all things in between. Original videos, vlogs, music, photography, art, games; it's all available here. Members come from every continent, nearly all cultures can find something they'll enjoy. Possessing basic knowledge of cryptocurrency is an asset but not required; learn as you go. Sign up processing time may take more than a few days so please be patient.

All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
NoNamesLeftToUse Outro.png

"Fun with marketing. Don't forget to share!"

© 2019 @NoNamesLeftToUse.


Hahaha this is just awesome and what I call good marketing xD
So lets help more moms xD

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Yes, marketing comes in many shapes and sizes. I hope this time around the message gets shared and people can see the benefits of not throwing their money away. Mom's will have more money now for doing mom things!

Du erhieltest aufgrund deiner LanaCharleenToken ein Upvote von @sebescen81 und von @lanacharleen alt-Text
Vielen lieben Dank für euren Support. Der Account meiner Tochter wächst und gedeiht.

I once had a chocolate 🍩 that didn't taste as good as this post. Thanks!

I knew a beaver that ate a post once.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear you enjoyed yourself and I hope you can go the extra mile and share it around. Have a good one!

I think this is properly the best(and honest) marketing article I have ever seen for steemit :D
I very much enjoyed it!
Brb gotta share it

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Thanks for sharing! Glad you enjoyed it and had fun.

I read this and upvote.. now I patiently wait 7 days for my $0.0001 curation payment.

Well you'd have a heck of a lot more than that coming in if you actually used your SP combined with allowing the vote power to charge! I see room for improvement my friend! Thanks for everything though! Feel free to share this around!

Lol point taken. I wait patiently for my VP to recover and delegations to return. :-)

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Good post, man! I give you my "like"!

I like receiving likes!

Yup you'd be stackin EarMuffs all day long. But no question you hit the nail on the head here. People need to wake the fuck up and realize they can keep making Facebook and youtube money or start earning a little for themselves. Long term thinking is needed...the cheap whores that post to earn 18c and then cash it out are matter how broke you are. Actually the more broke you are the more you need to be thinking long term since you aren't saving for your future in any other way.

Hope your message gets out there or at least some form of this message. We just need to get the snowball started rolling down the hill...once growth starts things will compound.

Here comes the muffin man.

This place is dying for consumers content with earning what consumers are entitled to earn here. We don't need more spammers taking up space, thinking they're going to strike it rich. The quality content producers are dying for eyes. Consumers who actually purchase a bit of STEEM would be ideal and like I keep saying, there's no better deal around for entertainment. And yes, once they learn their initial small investment could suddenly go from penny votes to dime votes and their reward value climbs, we're golden, they're golden, happy happy fun time for everyone.

Content Consumers are needed for sure. Hard part is getting them to understand the concept of what steem is. Seems like with each HF there is new technical jargon that gets added to any reasonable explanation of how Steem works. When people feel the need to appear smart they use technical jargon and create new ways to complicate simple processes. This has been happening for some time with Steem and while each step is meant to "fix an issue" it creates new ones and has made Steem very complicated for a new person to understand IF you try and teach them everything at once.

As an example when someone starts a new game they don't need to know everything, instead there is a step by step option to learn some basics. These basics are the building blocks to all future success in the game. Once these building blocks are learned you then add on new knowledge to this base of knowledge and it's not overwhelming because you learned everything in manageable chunks.

We need something like this when new people come to steem. Some sort of direction for them to start off with that is very manageable and doesn't require knowing all of the technical info of RC's, VP, Steem, SP, SBD, 50/50 or 100% power up, vote curves, witnesses, payout schedules, 10 different coins and entry points for steem content, and so forth. Something that is babysteps for the masses who have no or limited knowledge of the steem blockchain.

Much of the first day complexities vanish the moment they actually purchase STEEM. The one's wanting the free account the free lunch are the folks confused because they can't find the sandwiches; there aren't any sandwiches.

There's no need to explain much of the technical stuff. The automobile and smart phone prove that. It just needs to work, on the surface. Learn as you go. Look how many folks out there are still afraid to adjust settings on their phones. Yet they can still make a call, send a text, check the weather. Does a car salesman sell the engine and chassis or the interior and paint job?

And I should add, if anyone actually shows up to this comment section, in a week, a month, whatever. I'm a damn good guy to have around, to help point them in the right direction.

Is reading your shit kind of like reading tea leaves? See what's settled after the flush, maybe? If so, how much is it going to earn me and does it smell, bad? Because if it smells really nasty, then I'm gonna want it to be worth my while.

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Everyone knows my shit doesn't stink.

Off to learn divination then. ;D

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Question: Is your stadium clothing optional? Asking for a friend. 😎

Also, Imma need more information on how Nancy lost 30 pounds...

And finally... can you make me famous?

Clothing optional on Wednesdays. Nancy tried meth. *And... probably not.

The comment section was just as entertaining as the actual post!

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DUDE! @nonameslefttouse
I was thinking...
Stop me if I'm being cray...
How would you feel about me reading this post... in a video?
Of course, I'd pimp you out. Require all love be aimed at you.
And no hard feelings if not.
I mean... I may cry... but I'll totally do it privately, in a closet, with a pint of Häagen-Dazs Midnight Cookies and Cream Ice Cream...

Feel free. Go right ahead. I've watched some of your work and I'm confident you'd be able to pick up on all of the different tones contained within the writing. There's a lot of energy there, it takes a bit of acting — I think you could do it. You're a character.

Don't be afraid to do a really good job.

THANK YOU!!!! And... Indeed. 😎

I have a whole plan. If I'm able to pull it off... it will be amazing. I MAY even tag it creativecoin (though I've not been able to use that tag yet... Ironic, as I'm SUPER creative...anyway)...

Weird thing: I often AM afraid to do a really good job... subconsciously. I mean, consciously I totally think and desire to be awesome... but something underneath is scerred... and thus fights me. But I'm getting better.

This piece though. I'm thinking I'm can make it into something both of us will be proud of. And if not... we burn it with FIRE!!!

I'll keep some gas around nice and close in case it doesn't want to light.

Just have fun with it.

Did you ever do the thing you said you were going to do?

OMG! NO! I've not!

But thanks for the reminder...
I have been creating many a video lately... And this would still be amazing....

Let me put it in my actual To Do List (Notion, that app is amazing)... and see what becomes of it.

Hahaha :)

Posted using Partiko Android

This kinda makes sense, I'm tired of getting abused by strippers and content producers. Investing in steem is like having an account at the strip club that rewards you every time you tip an entertainer. If I tip enough I can earn some back to buy an $8 draft beer!!!

That's the point! It's not about getting rich. For the consumer it's about not wasting money! Not throwing it away! It's genius. This place needs those consumers. Hundreds of thousands of them. Content with just having a good time, and being rewarded accordingly.

I have been hearing about neoxian, so I came over to check out the platform and bumped into this very wonderful post.

It was so wonderful that I had to sign into this interface, just to be able to leave this comment.

Oh you found me over there? Very cool! Those little tribes give us more opportunity and added, much needed visibility. Such a nice new feature.

I'm glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for stopping in!

Such a great piece! Should be on every new users reading list as it factual in its own way! Thanks for sharing!

Posted using Partiko iOS

New users have to find it first and they can't find it if they're not here! Don't be afraid to share it around if you get a chance. Thanks for stopping by!

Thank you, crazy mystery man! You saved my life!
This was such a humorous post. Loved every minute of it!

You folks are going to make me run out of nickels!
Ha! Just kidding. I got nickels for days!

A 100% upvote my friend. I enjoy your posts a lot and they keep me inspired. Stay strong!

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Thank you! Hopefully you'll be able to find a place to share this as well.

Now that’s a marketing post lol, I picture that being on those ‘as seen on TV’ commercials at 3 AM on HGTV. The more comments we can get on this the higher it will show up on google, let’s go!

Posted using Partiko iOS

Designed by a master! It totally has that kitchen cleaner vibe to it. That's some sham wow!

Comments are great... but don't forget to share it around everywhere you can!

So much love for this post. Upvoted. Looking forward to my fraction of a cent return in a week :-)

Posted using Partiko iOS

Yeah well, I started with nothing and now look at me! I'm a thousandaire!

I always thought it was "hugged" my mom...

Well you know... that works too. So much better than "I pimped your mom."

Don't lose your damn password you asshole, that's your bank card now!

Yeah... about that. I really should have taken your advice sooner, I lost my flash drive which contained what I thought was the only copy of my passwords, fortunately I just found an old file with them on a computer in my parents' house. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Well, I guess I'm back.


You've enjoyed your online experience. You've hit that nifty little button to say, "Dayum son! That was some good shit right there! Keep it coming you dirty slut!"


You're wasting your money! You're treating content producers in the same way you would a stripper working the pole at the sleazy bar on the outskirts of town!

Yup./ Still am, but whatever.


"Dayum son! That was some good shit right there! Keep it coming you dirty slut!"

One Hell of a Guy Himthefuckself

This is new

And last but not least-

"Thank you, crazy mystery man! You saved my life!"

And I think we're done here. And that last one might actually have been least, I'm not really sure.

I even lost thirty pounds and I'm the envy of all my friends!

Nancy must have bought some of those new dporn coins.

Come on down to the comment section and say, "Thank you, crazy mystery man! You saved my life!"

"Thank you, crazy mystery man! You saved my life!"
That was an easy penny.

I am not sure if I ever left a facebook or youtube comment. I must have when I first got the account, I mean I did look at it a few times that first week, but then blah, just left them both to sit and rot into a festering pile of internet goo.

Nancy will most likely be back for more, if that's the case.

Millions of people are active on those platforms, and that's what matters. Gotta get that here, plus this place offers a far better deal.

It would be nice if we had that many viewers.

And it would be better if majority of them were paying customers benefiting from this economy we've created here.

My life of picking up cans and begging on street corners is coming to and end.

If we could just get this testing done and move on!

I'm looking forward to this brave new world. And honestly, when the value was higher, this place paid way better than bottle picking, just for clicking that vote button.

Thank you, crazy mystery man! You saved my life

Posted using Partiko Android

You're welcome!

this should be shared, i most probably will. it should maybe be a video commercial 😁

Posted using Partiko Android

Tis a damn fine script for a video. And absolutely it should be shared. It's appealing to a specific demographic and we need all types here.

All jokes aside....Besides the fact that we see your brilliant art every day, Steemit has helped me pay for my son's university expenses over the last three years. I did not have to make any loans to feed him or pay for his tuition. I would have been a thousandaire too if it wasn't for that. On top of that Steemit has really help both my parents with extra money to top up their pension. I will be forever grateful for this platform.

It's good you were able to do all that. Now I'm making it my mission to attract more consumers than we have producers. Should make it a lot easier on everyone and if they're buying Steem... much nicer.

Fuck it: Thank you, crazy mystery man! You saved my life!

You're welcome!

I am so glad I signed up in May 2017. Yes it is nice to be paid and I try to spread the word to others I know. I just never met a local Nancy who is not in love with her cats to Steemit with.

And I'm sure by now you're feeling quite rewarded. Slow start though hey? That's normal.

Thanks Nancy! Nancy is my mom.. She doesn't birth tools, only heroes, breaker of blockchaint stock.. You should consider doing this as an overdub while doing push-ups for maximum gains..

Posted using Partiko Android

What about one handed chin ups?

But @nonameslefttouse, i wanna skip all that reading and content consuming bullshit and just write a semi relevant comment based on the title of the post. Im way too ahead of you!

Posted using Partiko Android

Ah yes, the ole don't vote for the post, pretend to know what's up, hope for a comment vote treatment. I have a special place for them out back next to the wood chipper!

Interesting post about wood chippers sir. I think wood chippers are very interesting. Looking forward to your next post about wood chippers. Your post about wood chippers inspired me bro.

Please follow me back.

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Thank you for these wonderful information givings! Follow follow!

For when people see this, I'm a source of the photography @NoNamesLeftToUse mentioned. For your viewing pleasure, individual inquiries are invited.

Ooo! I like pictures. Good on you for taking a moment to put your name out there like that. Well played.
But will people actually get off their butts and share? Stay tuned...

Really fucking clever...

That's right! I helped your mom!

Ha! Thank you, my friend!

You don’t have enough steem to read your article :p

Posted using Partiko iOS

26,231.19 isn't enough? I better get some more!

You have that much and upvoting just a 0.006 steem huh. (Just kidding. I saw your post on a beautiful girl account whom I stalk)

Hot damn. Where do I buy tickets, and for all of my friends too? You made me laugh today. that's worth a resteem and an upvote from me.

I'm glad you got a chuckle out of this. Thanks for everything; and maybe someone in your social circles might get a laugh as well? Don't be afraid to share!

I will share, but usually get crickets. And tumbleweeds. And sometimes signs of the cross because crypto is evil and ----- strange.

Don't even need to mention crypto. Like I said, basic knowledge is an asset but not required. It's not hard to pick up some Steem and there's probably an expert around to help with that.

Its okay. Shared. Need new friends.

Posted using Partiko Android

A great laugh and so very true this could be a great way to get people on to steem share it around people👍

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Every content producer here needs more eyes on the prize, more paying customers. So that's who we should attract. It's a damn good deal. Thanks for enjoying this and yes: Share.

Absolutely 👍

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Now, we have to make the Youtubers, Facebookers and Instagrammers read your article so that they feel stupid for all that time lost and come here to Steemit

Not necessarily the Youtubers, Facebookers and Instragrammers. Just the consumers.

That was one of the most entertaining read I've had in steemit for a.. me love you long time. That just earned a follow from me. Can't wait for your next installment.

Thank you

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Take one and pass it on. Feel free to share as well! Thanks for having some fun with me today.

No thank you for being here!

You really recharged batteries in these past months.

That long break helped a lot. Would you believe about half of this post was published on 4/12/2017? I made a few minor edits and added quite a bit more to make it look and feel more official, combined with humor. I got a huge boost recently when I published that write up about the Business of Blogging. Really, I've been trying to say the same thing for damn near three years and it's finally starting to catch on, and that's making me feeling damn good as well.

That was a great read, going to enjoy following you!

Nice ass!

Cheers🍻 😉

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I'm sorry @nonameslefttouse,

This is the most positive post I have ever read from you. And I don't detect a hint of satire or foreshadowing the fork in the road.

This humble post also only subtly hints to the original artworks you labor to create to make our Mondays filled with bright colors and smiles.

I am actually beginning to feel hope and vision for Steem is a gas that is lighter than air.

No one can sink this shit!!

Here is a real made up testimony from Jenny on the actual Steem Ship enterprise year 2020:

"I am so glad I boarded this ship to the moon. I do not see any icebergs approaching."

Holy _ _ _ _!! It's a meteorite.


Jenny wouldn't even see the space rock coming, that's how I know it's a fake testimonial!

I am technologically handicapped, but jeez the developments in tech and what people can do is mind blowing - wow we have come a long way from pen and paper and writing letters -
Just like in real life some will reap the benefits and some less so.
Still voting for you, not for getting something in return, just because I enjoy your rants... sorry I mean posts hahaha

Yes and now it's time to figure out a few good ways to actually use this stuff to our benefit. I appreciate the support! It makes me happy people out there enjoy what I do as well.


I thought you'd like. I like that you like.

Really great and motivational post. It cached my attention because it was resteemed and with not that big earning, but a lot of cpmments. Well done. I also think, if all facebook, youtube and other social media will know about steemit, they will all join the revolution.

Your post also shared in my facebook group that I converted to share everything about steem. I have more than 17,000 members in the group. Mostly they are crypto people, but I will make them join steem by sharing such posts.

not that big earning, but a lot of comments...

That's the story of my life here. You can see arcange's "Hit Parade" notification for top 10 most comments somewhere on my blog about three times per week. I try to keep my chin up.

I really appreciate that share. That's more valuable than the rewards, in the long run. I really want to attract those willing to buy Steem and be content with just curating and enjoying their time here though. We have a severe shortage of paying customers/consumers, hence I get so much engagement but so little reward. Everyone else is in the same boat.

Glad she lost 30 pounds too. Which was probably her stressing over the bear markets, and, of course, STINC’s delivery. But healthy nevertheless.👌

Always good to keep in shape!

Sign me up!
I'll be hanging from the rafters!

Just be sure you're wearing a safety harness or a few pillows strapped on because thatis a long way down. Falling from there is no way to heal your ribs.

I couldn't resist the temptation to share your post on my FB feed. Even if it means FB would close my account.

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Share it everywhere. If there's one thing this place likes to do to shoot itself in the foot, it's not share links.

I actually spoke to a new Steemian the other day that came here VIA A TWITTER LINK!! What! Amazing, right?

That's exactly what should be happening. Every content production platform from National Geographic's website, news sites, Youtube. They all benefit from link sharing content consumers. That's free advertising. That's why I don't view social media as competition to this content production platform. The two go hand in hand.

I currently seek an audience large enough to fill a stadium and then some. My vision includes people hanging from the rafters, people outside getting pepper sprayed and beat down by cops, and people inside feeling drunk as fuck on tears of joy!

Whoa! hoo-hoo!


Doesn't smell this as lavender? ¯_(ツ)_/¯ @nonameslefttouse?

I really should read your posts more often. Usually I accidentally find them resteemed by other consumers, but I'm missing out. The next time someone asks me to explain Steemit, I just send them this post. Entertainment level 100% :-)

Posted using Partiko Android

It's a damn fine place to send them. Far superior to the grandest of all technical white papers. They can read that after! Until then they can enjoy pushing our buttons, in a good way.

LoL so entertaining. I am a tool. You are too.

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That was intended to be humorous, yes. It's meant to be entertainment. I'm not actually calling people names.