If Splinterlands Had a Call Centre.

Goooooooooood morning madam you are through to the Splinterlands sales hotline how may I help?

Good morning I was hoping to get in on this card game craze. My friend has been telling me about them and I want to buy some as a little pension fund. How do I go about it?

No problem madam you have come to the right place. Let me just take your details please. What is your mothers maiden name?

Brady.

perfect madam

So if you like I can go through the various packages with you so you can decide what you would want to do?

I want the a bit of everything please. I have a few pound to spend and these NFT's are all the rage now.

OK madam. Let me get you started with an account with us now. So thats your ign set up. You are now called cryptochaos1956

OK.

So we can start you off with our current Chaos Legion package.
We recommend you buy 2000 packs to get you started

Will this give me all the cards?

No madam this will only give you the Chaos Legion card set!

And how much are these 2000 packs?

They are $8000 madam.I will throw in a free skin with this because it is today's special offer

OK I will buy those. Thank you.

Can I also recommend that you buy some our shiny new Riftwatchers packs?

Are they brand new?

Yes madam, only out a couple of weeks.

And how much are they?

Well madam they cost $5 and 1 voucher. So around $5.40 give or take a couple of pence including VAT.

Now there is a 15% bonus if you buy 500 packs right now. Would you like us to add this to your bill?

Ah Go on so.

Ok That is now coming out at $2700 so your bill is currently at $10,700.

Would you like a Runi with that?

What's a Runi?

Oh just your own unique custom made monster.

How much is he?

He is $500 dollars madam.

Sure in for the penny and in for the pound, Go on sure.

Ok madam that is $11,300.

Before we check out can I interest you in a validator node?

What are they?

Just a licence node to validate the block chain to run the platform in the future. You get vouchers and SPS back daily as rewards for holding them.

How much are they?
They are currently $5000 but if you have 500 vouchers they will work out at $2500. So in total around $2,800 dollars for one right now in Tranche 2.

OK go on then.

OK madam you are currently checking out at $15,000.

Is there anything else I can help you with?

One of my friends have land or something?

Why yes madam, how stupid of me, they are the future of Splinterlands and you would be an absolute fool not own at the very least 10 plots.

How much are plots?

$200 dollars per plot on Hive Engine.

OK OK give me ten of them.

No problem madam that is gone through for you now. That is $17,000 dollars.

Will these Splinterlands cards give me that new game Tower Defence?

Ammmm no madam that is an entirely separate game with different cards.

How much for a pack of those?

8000 DEC or $8 per pack although if you have a voucher then they are $5 dollars a pack.

If you buy 100 packs you get a 10% extra bonus pack.

Ah go on sure you have my arm twisted.

OK madam I will throw in the vouchers free with this one so it is only $500 even.

Aren't you a wicked nice gentleman.

So is there anything else I can help you with madam?

Do I have everything now?

Well you can now take part in all the games but I would be concerned about how you do in the Wild ranked battles.

And why is that?

Because you only have Chaos Legion and Riftwatchers cards and I would recommend a some of the Beta , Promotional and Dice cards to build your deck.

How much are Beta cards?

Well madam you can purchase packs from Hive engine for around $30 each.

And will this be it now if I buy ten of them.

Maybe 50 madam and you would have a nice deck.

OK OK give me 50 of those.

No problem madam they are transferred to your account for you now.

Can I also recommend you a couple of level 1 legendary summoners such as Kitty, Llama and Yodin? You will come up against them in battle and you will kick yourself if you do not avail of our special promotional offer right now

What is the offer?

All three summoners for $500 madam?

Seems like a deal to me.

Perfect madam I will just bring up your total here now. That will be $20k please.

One last thing madam , we are currently setting up a Genesis League Sports which is a football NFT game. We are offering a pre pre sale and you can buy in to be one of the very first holders and offer you 5000 packs for 25k?

Wow amazing. Put me down for this as well.

OK madam that will be 45K. That has cleared now. Thank you for your business

Thank you I appreciate it

**You are all set now madam. Enjoy the game now and welcome to the Splinterlands gaming community. We hope you have fun.

One month later in the nursing home.

Audrey can I see you for a minute in my office.

Yes of course.

Sit down Audrey.

Audrey I just want to ask you if you gave Ann access to the nursing home credit card to buy an app.

Yes I did Mr Jones. It was to buy an app on the apple store called Wordjumble. She loves that game and it only cost $1. I can give you the money back. I just thought something so small would be fine to keep an old lady content all day.

Audrey , Anne is a compulsive gambler and she has purchased over $50,000 in an NFT game that is non refundable. We just received a statement just there.

On no I didn't mean...

I'll stop you there Audrey. It is not the first time Ann has pulled the wool over our eyes. We have to pay back this credit card bill or we are toast.

unless.....

Unless what??
Tell me.

You train the other old folks to battle in this Splinterlands game under Anne's IGN name so we try break even. It may take a decade but we need to do it. There's a good chance this Genesis League will make us all millionaires but for now gather the troops. Cancel the bingo and set up a timetable where we play around the clock.

Yes sir.

When the ECR reaches 75% then put them all to bed. Wake them up when it's back at 100.

Oh and Audrey. Never give Ann access to the credit card again. Her last investments in Tesla and Dogecoin worked out amd technically made this nursing home the best dam nursing home in the US of A but soon that could change so better to quit while she's ahead.